FOLKS, I'm sorry I'm so cranky. While there's no excuse for this, there is a reason: I'm old and sick.
I know I probably would feel better now if I'd gone to church today, but I just couldn't make myself go. I know, too, that I would feel much better now if I had forced myself to go to Union Station for my volunteer stint, but I just couldn't do that, either.
Thanks to some of you, things are going to start turning around next week, but they're absolutely awful right now. There's a commercial that's shown pretty regularly here in the L.A. area that really rings a bell with me. In it, an elderly woman explains that, because of her financial situation, she'd had to take her medication every other day instead of every day as they'd been prescribed. Then she asks something like, "What was I supposed to do?"
That's me. I'm supposed to be taking about a dozen different pills every day, for everything from high blood pressure and depression to cholesterol and memory, to eyedrops for my glaucoma. The co-pays for my prescribed meds total over $200 a month --- and I just don't have that. I took my medication as prescribed for months, but then I had to taper down to taking them every other day for a month or so, then, to every three days for another month or so. Finally, about a month or so ago, I ran out.
I have glaucoma, which has led to (irreversible!) macular degeneration (which leads to blindness); I also have cataracts --- but I can't have surgery on my eyes, because cataract surgery often leads to raising intraocular pressure --- and I already have glaucoma. I haven't been able to use the eyedrops which my ophthalmologist warned me had to be used every night for almost a month, because I ran out, and can't afford to get his prescription filled.
Again, though, thanks to some of you, my friends, much of this is going to change, starting tomorrow. Through my crowdfunding site, some of you have sent me contributions; others have helped at meetings that I attend; others were planning to help at church this morning. Of course, as I said at the beginning of this post, I didn't go to church (or to my volunteer gig this afternoon), so you weren't able to help.
But I thank each of you for helping as you could! And, for each of you who would have helped if you could have, I thank you, too! If you can not in good conscience help, that's okay. I understand. As I have said repeatedly, my plight is not because of society or white folks or any such tripe. It is my fault; I was the one who had certain wrong attitudes and took certain wrong actions over the years, that's led me to where I am now. If you feel that helping me or rescuing me from this is really enabling --- not helping --- me, I understand. No problem.
I'm going to make myself get up and go to my meeting tonight. I'm sure that I would feel much better than I do now if I had gone to church or Union Station, or both, today, but I didn't go to either. I almost always feel much better after going to the Sunday night meeting, so I'm definitely going to make myself go there. Again, thanks to some of you, I'm going to start addressing the underlying causes of my funk tomorrow; I'm going to get filled the prescriptions for my blood pressure medication, my antidepressant, and my eyedrops --- and (TMI, I realize!) I'm going to buy some more adult diapers. Already, anticipating the actions I'll be taking is making me feel somewhat better; I'm going to be alright.
One last time: Thank you for being in my life.